April News Quiz

1.   Eleven Secret Service agents have been accused of visiting prostitutes while in Columbia recently to plan for an upcoming visit by President Obama.  This is a problem because:  a) it’s wrong to pay for sex; b) it will contribute to the U.S. trade imbalance; c) it violates the Obama administration’s “buy American” policy; or d) it’s going to cost the president the all-important prostitute vote in November?

2.   While the late Dick Clark didn’t actually create American Bandstand and was only its second host, not its first, he went on to build a television empire by creating and producing such memorable programs as:  a) um; b) er; c) uh; or d) come to think of it, he never created anything that wasn’t total crap?

3.   The focus of the Chinese government these days is:  a) raising worker productivity at factories so it can continue to sell cheaper and cheaper goods to the U.S. and other countries; b) fighting inflation caused by low unemployment and rising wages; c) enforcing the one-child-to-a-family law; or d) measuring Japan, Vietnam, Taiwan, Korea, and Cambodia for drapes?

4.      It’s important to stop Iran from getting the bomb because:  a) it would be a threat to Israel; b) it would be a threat to the rest of the middle east; c) it would be a threat to U.S. interests; or d) we’re all tired of hearing politicians and news anchors struggle to pronounce “Ahmadinejad”?

5.   The “Buffett rule” calls for:  a) rich people to pay more taxes; b) rich people to pay the same tax rates as everyone else; c) rich people to pay less taxes than they do now; or d) limiting customers to only two return trips to the line at Old Country Buffet?

6.   To improve the economy, Mitt Romney will announce his support for:  a) lower taxes, so rich people will have more money to create jobs; b) no change in the current tax structure, because if it works for his family, it should work for everyone else; c) reduced federal spending on safety-net programs like unemployment, food stamps, welfare, reduced-price school lunches, and Medicaid because he doesn’t worry about poor people; or d) anything that the polls tell him will make people want to vote for him?

7.   The Trayvon Martin murder case has proven to be a bonanza for:  a) opponents of  “stand your ground” laws; b) the NRA, which feels vindicated because a good man was able to save his life because he was armed; c) Geraldo Rivera, because it’s been a while since we’ve heard him say something stupid on television; or d) Jesse Jackson, who has been mostly invisible since Barack Obama was elected president because he no longer could claim to be the only person who could speak on behalf of all African-Americans?

8.   “Brangelina” is:  a) getting married; b) Italy’s ambassador to the U.N.; c) an excellent pinot grigio that goes especially well with veal; or d) who cares?

9.   Speaking before an NRA audience last week, gun enthusiast and rock’n’roll has-been Ted Nugent declared that “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”  This statement suggests that:  a) Nugent doesn’t realize that Mr. Obama is already president; b) the cocktail hour was before rather than after the speeches; c) the Secret Service will be knocking on Nugent’s door in the very near future; or d) there’s more to those 1980s “This is your brain.  This is your brain on drugs.  Any questions?” commercials than many of us realized?

10.   The Pulitzer Prize committee did not issue an award for fiction this year because:  a) the members of the selection committee all voted for their own books and refused to consider any others; b) the espresso wasn’t good and the croissants weren’t fresh so the committee adjourned after just a few minutes of deliberations; c) committee members had a book in mind to which to award the prize but because the book isn’t available in a Kindle version they were afraid giving it the prize would stir the wrath of the folks at Amazon.com and jeopardize their own future book sales; or d) there haven’t really been any good novels published since Jacqueline Susann died in 1974?

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  • martynwilsoncopywriter  On April 23, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Absolutely wonderful, as ever. I was expecting to see a question about why Sanatorium quit the Republican primaries race. Was it because a) he had a vision and decided to devote his life to dog, before realising that he suffers from dyslexia; b) he wants leave the field open to Newt Gingrich to get stuffed big time at the next lot of primaries; c) he’s invented a new condom, which he intends to manufacture in order to finance his bid in 2016; or d) he saw a picture of himself in a sweater vest and decided to become a fashion icon.

  • foureyedcurmudgeon  On April 23, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Thanks for the kind words. I had a Santorum question among the 20 I wrote, but in winnowing the 20 down to a worthy 10, the Santorum question – like the man himself – did not make the cut.

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