July News Quiz

  1. Earlier this month, Mitt Romney’s wife hinted that her husband is considering selecting a woman to be his running mate.  The likeliest choice is:  a) Condoleezza Rice, because Romney has no foreign policy experience and having Rice on his ticket would go a long way toward reminding people of the foreign policy successes she engineered during the administration of George W. Bush; b) New Hampshire senator Kelly Ayotte, because after the last election, Democrats can’t argue that she has too little experience to run for national office; c) Michele Bachmann, because America would be in good hands with her just a heartbeat away; or d) Sarah Palin, because it worked so well four years ago?
  2. Comedian Fred Willard was arrested for allegedly performing a lewd act outside a porn theater in Hollywood.  Willard’s response to the arrest was to say that:  a) I didn’t do it; b) I was making the gesture they accused me of making but wasn’t actually doing or touching anything; c) it was performance art – my tribute to Pee-Wee Herman; or d) you people have been watching me perform for more than forty years and you’re surprised by this?
  3. Minnesota congresswoman and former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann has accused Huma Abedin, a long-time aide of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, of having ties to the Muslim Brotherhood group that now rules Egypt.  Bachmann bases this claim on:  a) what her husband told her; b) past relationships between Muslim Brotherhood members and Abedin’s father, who has been dead for twenty years; c) a message that god sent her while she was watching a rerun of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air; or d) well, she certainly looks like one of them, doesn’t she?
  4. The killing of twelve people and wounding of another fifty-nine by a gunman in Aurora, Colorado at a midnight showing of the premiere of the Batman movie Dark Knight Rises has authorities thinking:  a) no more midnight movie screenings; b) time to install metal detectors at movie theaters; c) time to ban violent movies; or d) they’d better come up with a damn good security plan for next month’s release of the new comedy starring Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones?
  5. Nearly two dozen people suffered second- and third-degree burns when they walked across hot coals during a Tony Robbins “Unleash the Power Within” seminar in San Jose.  The Robbins people explained that:  a) thousands of people made the same walk without injury, so a few people getting burned isn’t really that big a deal; b) suffering damaging, debilitating burns builds character; c) the people who were burned lacked confidence, so it was really their own fault; or d) maybe the people who were injured unleashed too much of the power within?
  6. Physicists believe they have found the long-discussed but never seen Higgs Boson particle.  These subatomic particles are:  a) also known as the “god particle” because they are believed to be one of the fundamental building blocks of matter; b) have existed in theory for years, but until now, no one could ever find them; c) will lead to new and brilliant discoveries that will greatly enhance mankind’s understanding of its creation and environment; or d) will really clog up your vacuum if you’re not very, very careful?
  7. Earlier this month, the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that mermaids do not exist.  This comes as:  a) the result of a ten-year, $565 million research project; b) an appalling sign of waste in government that the agency would even address such a thing; c) a blow to imaginations everywhere; or d) disappointing news to Darryl Hannah fans?
  8. The Supreme Court decision in the Arizona immigration case was considered noteworthy by legal scholars and political pundits because it did not use the terms “illegal immigrants” and “illegal aliens,” both of which are considered offensive by many people.  Instead, it referred to people who reside illegally in the U.S. as:  a) undocumented residents; b) neighbors without papers; c) George Lopez’s cousins; or d) the lawn guys?
  9. Authorities in London halted a joint performance by Bruce Springsteen and Paul McCartney because:  a) they were enforcing a curfew; b) the crowd was too large and they wanted to disperse it in a quiet and peaceful manner; c) it was past McCartney’s bedtime; or d) they were afraid Springsteen fans would riot if McCartney tried to sing “Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out”?
  10. Scientists have created an artificial jellyfish, which they call “Medusoid,” using rat heart cells.  This is good news for:  a) people who sell dead rat hearts; b) scientists who are pursuing pointless research but are afraid no one will fund their work; c) people who are tired of using grape jelly in their PB&J sandwiches and are looking for a little variety; or d) real jellyfish that aren’t married and are tired of looking at the same old faces at jellyfish singles bars?
  11. Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler have both quit as American Idol judges.  Mariah Carey will replace Lopez next season and the leading candidate to replace Tyler as judge is:  a) Judge Judy; b) Judge Wapner; c) Judge Reinhold; or d) Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg?
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