Really Annoying Songs

As a Jew in a Christian world, The Curmudgeon sometimes finds himself thrust into the gift-giving frenzy of the Christmas season.  The demands are always modest:  just some token gift to convey appreciation for the celebrations of others.  Over the years, The Curmudgeon typically made small purchases for these occasions, and in recent years he has taken to baking his gifts.  It just so happens, readers, that The Curmudgeon is an excellent baker.

Two years ago, though, he came up with a new idea:  give the gift of music.

But not just any music.  What fun would that be?

With this in mind, he decided to compile a CD of what he considers really annoying songs, and he decided to title it, cleverly enough, “Really Annoying Songs.”

Every CD collection, though, needs liner notes, so to explain this particular collection, The Curmudgeon prepared the following liner notes that accompanied every gift (only the giver’s name has been changed, to protect the innocent):

This is the collection that Time-Life doesn’t have the cojones to give you – but The Curmudgeon does have the cojone.  These are the songs that make you roll your eyes and say “Oh, no” when you hear them on the radio.  Some are dumb; some were horribly overexposed; and some are just plain bad. 

Regardless of the cause of their annoyingness, you know these songs and you know that at some moment in your life, at least a few of them got stuck in your brain and you couldn’t get rid of them.  Hearing them now will bring you back to the time and place in your life when you first realized that you were listening to a new and profoundly annoying song.  So sit back, relax, and enjoy – or don’t enjoy.  The choice is yours. 

Finally, if you find this collection really annoying, don’t be shy about inflicting it on others – because you can be pretty sure that deep down, virtually everyone you know likes at least one of these songs.  People like bad songs.  After all, what else could possibly explain the absence of “MacArthur Park” from this collection?

And now, the really annoying songs.

 

Tomorrow – Aileen Quinn (and orphans)

Theme from “Greatest American Hero” – Joey Scarbury

Afternoon Delight – Starland Vocal Band

Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Cyrus

Billy, Don’t be a Hero –  Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods

The Ballad of the Green Berets – Sergeant Barry Sadler

I’ve Never Been to Me – Charlene

Don’t Give Up on Us – David Soul

Don’t Worry, Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin

Honey – Bobby Goldsboro

Summer (the First Time) – Bobby Goldsboro

 (You’re) Having My Baby – Paul Anka

Luka – Suzanne Vega

Feelings – Morris Albert

Run Joey Run – David Geddes

Escape (the Pina Colada Song) – Rupert Holmes

Superman (It’s Not Easy) – Five for Fighting

 

Maybe one day The Curmudgeon will create a volume two of “really annoying songs,” so feel free to offer your own suggestions for more really annoying songs.

 

 

 

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Comments

  • Scott  On August 16, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Great topic. I can’t really take issue with your list; there are a couple I’ve never heard of…but I’m really sorry that I’m familiar with most of these dreadful creations. Of course, I have a few more suggestions for “Volume II”:
    “Macarena”(how did you leave this one out???);”Muskrat Love” (absolutely awful!)”YMCA” (I banned this from my daughter’s wedding; “The Chicken Dance” (terrible!);”If I Can’t Have You” (ugh);”It’s a Small World” (have you ever been stuck on that ride at Disney? I’d rather have root canal without anesthesia);and…anything sung by Celine Dion.

    • The Curmudgeon  On August 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm

      I’m sorry, but the mental image of little muskrats humping themselves silly is just too good to allow myself to be denied this song. But the Celine Dion observation? He shoots – he scores!!!

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