Step Away From the Pop-Tart

We all know that Pop-Tarts aren’t very good for us – and aren’t very good, for that matter – but who knew that some people consider them potentially lethal?

That’s the only conclusion that can be drawn from recent events in Baltimore, where a seven-year-old boy was suspended from his elementary school for – are you ready for this? – nibbling his Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun.

The boy also allegedly pointed his loaded breakfast pastry – strawberry-filled, by the way – at a classmate and said “Bang bang.”

Or maybe he just said “Yum yum”?

The child said he was trying to nibble it into the shape of a mountain, but we all know how artistically challenged seven-year-old boys can be.  The lad also said he pointed his snack at the ceiling, not at a classmate.

Writing with a presumably grim, determined, and very straight face, the school’s vice principal reported to parents that no one was harmed but that counselors would be available for any children who were traumatized by the incident.

Thank goodness.  Assault with a deadly danish is not to be taken lightly.

The Curmudgeon thinks this is all very silly, of course.  Everyone knows that if you’re going to chew your Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun, your only real choice is the brown sugar cinnamon, not strawberry.

A strawberry Pop-Tart gun?  Now that’s ridiculous.

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