It should come as little surprise to regular visitors to this space to learn that The Curmudgeon generally takes a dim view of plastic surgery for purely cosmetic reasons. Yes, there are a number of very good reasons to undergo plastic surgery – to reconstruct breasts after a mastectomy, to help burn patients, to repair cleft palates and injuries and accidents, to remove excess flesh caused by extreme weight loss, and others – but his overall perspective is that the boob jobs, nose bobs, tummy tucks, and face lifts are all pretty silly. Recently he took a close look at his own face in the mirror and saw dark circles under his eyes, a genetic gift from his father’s side of the family, and all he could do was shrug his shoulders and think to himself, “I guess I’m going to have dark circles under my eyes for the rest of my life.”
The Curmudgeon has been thinking a little about plastic surgery because twice in recent weeks he’s read articles about the newest craze in plastic surgery: procedures to create what are called “thigh gaps.” A thigh gap, for the uninformed, is an open space between the thighs of a woman when she is standing up straight with her knees together and wearing a garment short enough to expose her thighs. The Curmudgeon understands that only the slenderest of women have natural thigh gaps.
Apparently, though, a few anorexic waifs, underfed models, and wiry athletes have made thigh gaps all the rage, and those who lack them are flocking to their plastic surgeons in search of a physical characteristic that mother nature – or their own appetites and/or exercise habits – has denied them. (And rest assured, most of these women almost certainly have their “own” plastic surgeon. You don’t go from ordinary person to thigh gap surgery candidate without an interim experience undergoing surgery purely for aesthetic purposes.) They want a doctor who has forgotten about doing good in the world to hack away at their inner thighs and make them thinner, thinner, thinner, to make concave what mother nature decided in their case should be convex.
Where will it all end? The Curmudgeon vaguely recalls reading years about a competitive bodybuilder who withdrew from a competition when she came under suspicion of having received calf implants – yes, calf implants – to give her what hours upon hours of work in the gym could not. People have their chins and their derrieres enhanced – larger or smaller, depending on the fashion.
But thigh gaps? Women are now willing to undergo painful plastic surgery – and these are procedures that no one claims are painless – so that on those rare occasions on which they stand straight with their knees together while wearing very short shorts or dresses, there will be just a little daylight between their thighs.
Yes, thigh gaps.