June News Quiz

  1. Twinkies snack cakes will return to store shelves next month after a year-long absence when Hostess Brands, which manufactured the treats, went out of business.  The cakes’ return will be celebrated by:  a) people who love Twinkies; b) moms who know that putting Twinkies in their kids’ and husbands’ lunch boxes will make them happy; c) grocers hoping for an increase in snack cake sales; or d) pharmaceutical companies that make insulin?
  2. Actor Michael Douglas recently explained that he believes that performing oral sex caused his throat cancer.  This has resulted in:  a) a whole new perspective on throat cancer; b) a whole new perspective on Michael Douglas; c) a whole new perspective on Catherine Zeta-Jones; or d) a whole new perspective on the perpetual smile on the faces of women whose husbands have survived throat cancer?
  3. Pope Francis recently confirmed that there is an active “gay lobby” within the Vatican.  That gay lobby’s number one interest appears to be:  a) redesigning the papal robes; b) redecorating the Vatican; b) legalizing pedophilia; or d) organizing a Village People reunion concert at the Colosseum?
  4. Members of the U.S. Senate want to raise interest rates on student loans because:  a) lending money at high interest rates shouldn’t be reserved for greedy banks; b) they reject the notion that students deserve a lower interest rate than anyone else; c) they think that burdening college students with $100,000 or more of high-interest debt upon graduation is a great way to create a positive work incentive; or d) giving young people low-cost college loans is yet another example of the nanny state as well as being redistributive and a sign of creeping socialism?
  5. Celebrity-for-no-particular-reason Kim Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl.  The child came out:  a) ass first, in honor of her mother having such a big ass: b) ass first, in honor of baby daddy Kanye West being such a big ass; c) to the sound of two photographers clicking away because Grandma Pimp, er, Kris, had sold the rights to delivery room photos of the new baby for $1.5 million; or d) with a contract to star in a new reality series on the E network, to debut this fall?
  6. Instagram recently announced that users can now post short videos and not just photos.  It’s doing this because:  a) it’s what its users want; b) photos-only is so 2012; c) it has the technology, it has the know-how; or d) what’s Instagram?
  7. Texas Republican senator Ted Cruz is:  a) every Texan’s dream; b) every tea party member’s dream; c) every liberal’s dream; or d) all of the above?
  8. Media critic Howard Kurtz, formerly of the Washington Post and the Daily Beast and still host of the CNN program Reliable Sources, announced that he will be moving next month to Fox News in the wake of revelations of serious mistakes in some of his reporting.  Kurtz is moving to Fox News because:  a) he needs a job; b) the people at the National Enquirer said thanks but no thanks; c) Fox made him a better offer; or d) Fox wants to become the new go-to place for journalists who’ve lost their credibility and are mad at the world about it?
  9. Profits are down at Olive Garden restaurants because:  a) people finally realized that every town has plenty of Italian restaurants and there’s no reason to eat at a bland chain place; b) negative publicity surrounding the company’s announcement that it would cut employees’ hours so it wouldn’t have to pay for their health insurance; c) unlimited breadsticks made people realize how bad those breadsticks actually are; or d) customers rebelled at listening to the all-Dean Martin soundtrack and never want to hear about the moon hitting your eye like a big pizza pie again?
  10. Researchers believe that men who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer may be less likely to see their cancer spread if they eat a diet high in vegetable fats, such as olive oil and nuts.  As a result of this finding:  a) men are eating more vegetable fats, like olive oil and nuts; b) Italian and Greek men are feeling very good about themselves; c) men who are eating diets high in vegetable fats aren’t seeing their prostate cancer spread but are seeing their cholesterol count skyrocket; or d) it’s now clear that eating lots of nuts is good for a man’s nuts?
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