August News Quiz

  1. A recent poll found that twenty-nine percent of Republicans in Louisiana blame President Obama for the federal government’s poor response in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina even though that hurricane struck in 2005 and Obama didn’t take office until 2009.  Louisiana Republicans also blame Obama for:  a) losing the war in Vietnam; b) the casting of Ben Affleck as the next Batman; c) Billie Joe MacAllister jumping off the Tallahatchie Bridge; or d) the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald?
  2.  Real Housewives of New Jersey cast member Teresa Giudice and her husband Joe were indicted on thirty-nine counts of conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, bank fraud, making false statements on loan applications, and bankruptcy fraud.  Because Joe Giudice is not a U.S. citizen, he could be deported if found guilty.  This has left people wondering whether:  a) all this notoriety will earn Teresa Giudice the Bravo TV series of her own that she’s deserved for so long; b) Teresa will attempt to pick up and toss the witness stand when she’s called to testify; c) the other Real Housewives will be called as character witnesses; or d) if Joe Giudice is convicted, would it be possible to deport the entire cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey along with him?
  3.  A German chess grandmaster was disqualified from a tournament recently because officials said he was cheating.  Tournament officials accused him of:  a) using his cell phone to get the best moves; b) having crib notes on the soles of his shoes; c) having a transmitter implanted in one of his teeth that, between moves, was overheard playing the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever; or d) drawing a mustache on his opponent’s queen, deceiving him into thinking he no longer had his most useful piece on the board?
  4.  With the debut of new television talk shows starring Bethenny Frankel and Kris Jenner, it appears there’s now a new trend of television shows hosted by very unlikeable people.  As a result, new series in the works include:  a) Cheaters, starring Tiger Woods; b) Home and Hearth, with Martha Stewart and Kate Gosselin; c) Michael Vick’s ‘Puppy Love’; or d) Truth or Consequences, co-hosted by Lance Armstrong and Alex Rodriguez?
  5.  The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced that comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres will host its 2014 Oscar Awards broadcast.  The academy chose DeGeneres because:  a) she’s funny; b) she hosted it before and the show went very well; c) its first choice, Anne Hathaway and James Franco, had a previous commitment; or d) it wants DeGeneres to put a whole new spin on Seth McFarland’s “We Saw Your Boobs” song?
  6.  The president of France has announced that his country is prepared to “punish” Syria for its use of chemical weapons against its own citizens.  Accordingly, France is prepared to:  a) send fighter jets to bomb Syria; b) send fighter jets to carpet bomb tons of Camembert cheese on Syria, hoping the stench will cause everyone to flee; c) carpet bomb Syria with tons of croissants, hoping to launch a campaign of high cholesterol on the country; or d) surrender, as France always does, imposing on Syria a responsibility to govern the conquered that it cannot possibly handle?
  7.  The latest Nielsen ratings show that ABC’s evening news broadcast, anchored by Diane Sawyer, and CBS’s evening news broadcast, anchored by Scott Pelley, are gaining ground on ratings leader NBC.  In response to this development:  a) NBC anchorman Brian Williams will now broadcast the news in his underwear; b) Diane Sawyer’s broadcast will now contain no hard news at all; c) CNN will try counter-programming with a new music/comedy variety show hosted by Wolf Blitzer; or d) more people are now asking “Who the hell is Scott Pelley”?
  8.  Ecuador plans to drill for oil in a rain forest in the Amazon because:  a) geologists say there’s a lot of oil there; b) the country’s attempt to blackmail the world into giving it $3.6 billion not to drill in the Amazon raised only $13 million; c) the country is poor and could really use the money; or d) the Amazon qualifies for free shipping on every barrel of oil worth more than $25.
  9. Lamar Odom, husband of Khloe Kardashian, reportedly has a major drug problem for which he refuses to seek help.  Odom’s gotten involved with drugs because:  a) his professional basketball career is coming to an end and he doesn’t know what to do with his life; b) his wife kicked him out of the house; c) his mother in-law threatened to reduce his face time on the family’s television programs because he’s no longer a big star; or d) wouldn’t you turn to drugs if you were part of that family?
  10. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has signed into law a bill banning gay conversion therapy in his state.  Christie said signed the bill because:  a) being gay isn’t something for which anyone needs therapy; b) there’s no proof that gay therapy works; c) people are worried that “curing” homosexuality will mean the end of Project Runway and men’s Olympic figure skating; or d) providers of gay conversion therapy don’t serve snacks during treatment sessions?
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