A New Twist in Distracted Driving

Back when he was in high school, The Curmudgeon celebrated the end of school one year by getting on his bike and riding to Hardee’s, which had a short-lived restaurant near him, for his favorite sandwich at the time: the Husky Junior. While riding home, he placed the bag of food in his one-speed bicycle’s basket (stop that right now: it was incredibly useful and practical and he remains stubbornly unapologetic about it. In fact, if he lived someplace today where you could get on your bike and run errands without risking your life he wouldn’t hesitate to get a basket for his current one-speed). As he was riding, though, the bag opened and a few fries spilled out. The Curmudgeon reached for the bag and the fries and the next thing he knew he was sprawled on the street, bleeding and bruised, his bike atop him.

So The Curmudgeon considers himself lucky to have learned about the perils of distracted driving before he was actually driving.

We hear a lot about distracted driving. People talk on the phone while driving, people text while driving, people eat and drink while driving, people surf the web on their phones while driving, women apply make-up while driving, television commercials depict men using electric razors while driving. The Curmudgeon recalls once going on a date with a woman who was already driving way too fast in her little Porsche Cayman and she was eating and applying make-up at the same time. The Curmudgeon wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t do either while he was a passenger in her car but because she had the kind of temperament that suggested he might be in jeopardy of being invited to walk home, he gently suggested that she do just one or the other but not both while she had a nervous passenger.

There wasn’t another date.

But ABC news reports a new twist in distracted driving.

According to a startled Florida Highway Patrol trooper, [Megan] Barnes was shaving her bikini area while driving south on the famed Overseas Highway when she crashed into the rear of an SUV March 2.

But it gets better.

In the police report obtained by ABC News, the trim job was apparently essential because the arresting officer, trooper Gary Dunick, said the Indiana native told him she was heading to Key West to visit her boyfriend.

And the task apparently required assistance.

In order to pay full attention to her sensitive regions, police say Barnes enlisted her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding shotgun, to hold the wheel.

So remember, readers: never trim and drive.

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