December News Quiz

  1. Last week a white police officer shot and killed a black suspect outside of St. Louis because: a) he thought the black suspect robbed a store; b) the black suspect pulled a gun on him; c) it’s been more than four months since the last time that happened and you have to send that message once in a while; or d) he can?
  2. Thousands of people gathered in St. Peter’s Square in Rome to celebrate Pope Francis’s seventy-eighth birthday, and as part of the celebration, many danced a tango because: a) Argentina, where the pope was born, is the birthplace of the tango; b) it’s was a joyous dance for a joyous day; c) they also wanted to celebrate another milestone: the thirtieth anniversary of the release of Footloose; or d) they would have looked absolutely ridiculous doing the Macarena?
  3. Lawyer and professional attention-seeker Gloria Allred told a press conference that she has “literally lost count” of how many women have contacted her about being sexually victimized by Bill Cosby. This means that: a) Cosby’s abuses may go beyond what anyone imagined; b) publicity-whoring really pays off; c) six more appearances with Rachel Maddow; or d) despite her fancy ivy league education, Allred apparently can’t count?
  4. National Geographic reports that elephants may not survive the civil war in South Sudan because: a) the combatants are killing elephants for meat to feed soldiers; b) the combatants are killing elephants so they can trade their tusks for more weapons; c) much of the war is being fought on land on which the elephants typically forage for food; or d) the elephants are being used to fight the war but whenever they try to toss grenades with their trunks, the grenades only go about ten feet and then…kaboom?
  5. When former vice president Dick Cheney told Meet the Press that waterboarding isn’t torture and that the U.S. didn’t prosecute Japanese war criminals for waterboarding after World War II, what he really meant was: a) of course waterboarding is torture and of course we prosecuted Japanese war criminals for waterboarding after World War II but I’m denying it anyway; b) the Japanese did their waterboarding a little differently than we do it, so I’m basing my denial on the thinnest of technicalities; c) when people from other countries do it it’s a war crime but when Americans do it it’s in the interest of justice; or d) 9/11?
  6. After pleading guilty to a federal felony tax charge for hiding nearly a million dollars in business income from the IRS, Congressman Michael Grimm said he wouldn’t resign from the House of Representatives because: a) his constituents knew about the charges and just re-elected him last month anyway, so if having a criminal represent them in Congress is okay with them, it’s no one else’s business; b) that would amount to discrimination against criminals, which is unfair and un-American; c) just because he pleaded guilty doesn’t mean he did anything wrong; or d) really, doesn’t this just make him look more like what the public believes is a typical member of Congress?
  7. The Food and Drug Administration said it would permit gay and bisexual men to donate blood, but only if they have abstained from sex for a year, because they’re still afraid their blood will transmit: a) AIDS; b) homosexuality; c) cooties; or d) really gaudy taste in upholstery and drapes?
  8. The state of Colorado is considering a law to make it legal for people under the influence of marijuana to carry concealed handguns. Supporters of the bill maintain that: a) the constitution doesn’t distinguish between people who are under the influence of drugs and those who aren’t and neither should the laws of Colorado; b) just because someone’s high doesn’t mean their judgment is necessarily impaired; c) it’ll help the state’s tourism industry by helping to attract the doobie-tokin’, gun-totin’ crowd; or d) why do you think they sing “Rocky Mountain Hiiiiiiiigh in Colorado”?
  9. The Italian government levied a $610,000 fine against Trip Advisor, the internet site on which people rate hotels and restaurants, for failing to prevent false reviews. The government really fined the company because: a) every review of every single Italian destination wasn’t given the maximum of five stars; b) it permitted a review that said “Tuscany is waaaay overrated”; c) it posted the comment “Almost as good as Olive Garden” about what is widely considered the best restaurant in Milan; or d) Trip Advisor questioned the legitimacy of a very positive review that said “Mamma Mia, that’s one abbondanza place for macaronis, ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom” about a restaurant in Rome?
  10. Some Republicans in Congress want to reduce the White House budget for Air Force One, the president’s airplane, because: a) they don’t like the president; b) they believe the election of a Republican majority in Congress was a mandate to keep the president in Washington; c) whenever he flies somewhere he says nasty things about them; or d) if he and his Democrat friends are such big fans of spending taxpayer money on public transportation, let him take the bus?
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