July News Quiz

  1. The Sarah Palin Online web site, which charges subscribers $9.95 a month for unfiltered, direct communication with Miss Wasilla 1984, will close down on August 1 after just one year because: a) it was losing money; b) Palin’s crayon broke; c) one of the Obamacare death panels killed it off; or d) it turns out she was wrong and there really isn’t a sucker born every minute?
  2. Ariana Grande is: a) the river Mexicans have to cross to sneak into the U.S.; b) a new size of decaf latte now available at Starbucks; c) a utility infielder for the Boston Red Sox; or d) yet another female singer destined to be known more for her bad behavior than for her musical ability?
  3. The leading critic of a new California law banning people from citing their personal beliefs as their reason for not vaccinating their children has been: a) the American Medical Association; b) the American Academy of Pediatrics; c) the National Institutes of Health; or d) actor/comedian Jim Carrey?
  4. The leaders of a suburban Philadelphia Catholic school fired a teacher who is a lesbian because: a) they were afraid she’d abuse female students; b) they were afraid that even though she’s a lesbian she’ll abuse male students as well because all those people are sex-crazed; c) they were afraid the Vatican would revoke the school’s identity as a Catholic school because the pope’s tolerant but not that tolerant; or d) they were afraid she’d teach lesbian math?
  5. Images from NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft reveal that Pluto: a) has ice on its surface and other signs of geologic activity; b) is a planet after all; c) is only a dwarf planet but since it’s politically incorrect to refer to anything as a dwarf it will now be known just as a planet; or d) has bigger ears than Snoopy and Scooby-Doo?
  6. Members of the Westboro Baptist Church will picket the funerals of Marines killed by a shooter in Chattanooga, Tennessee because church members: a) oppose U.S. military endeavors overseas; b) believe god sent the shooter in response to the recent Supreme Court decision to legalize same sex marriage; c) need to do something to attract attention to follow up on their musical parody of the Whitney Houston song “I will always love you” that they call “God will always hate you;” or d) are bat-shit crazy?
  7. In two Long Island cases involving alcohol and drunk driving, a judge set bail at $500,000 for a dock worker who killed four women riding in a stretch limousine but only $250 when a business owner and friend of the judge drove his pick-up truck into a car carrying two farm workers, killing one and injuring the other, because: a) business owners are more trustworthy than blue-collar workers; b) the lives of farm workers have less inherent value than those of women riding in a limousine; c) if a judge can’t help a friend, what’s the point of being a judge; or d) this is the state of justice in America today?
  8. Jim Webb is running for the Democratic nomination for president because: a) anything’s better than Hillary; b) it beats working for a living; c) birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas like The Donald do it; or d) royalties from songs he wrote like “MacArthur Park,” “By the Time I Get to Phoenix,” “Up Up and Away,” and others have dried up and a guy need to earn a living somehow?
  9. Pat Buchanan was a panelist on Meet the Press last week because: a) NBC thought his participation would help improve ratings; b) David Brooks wasn’t available to play his usual role of the conservative whom liberals can tolerate; c) with the ascent of Donald Trump, stupid is now back in style; or d) bigot is the new black?
  10. According to the World Health Organization, the first country to eliminate the transmission of HIV from mothers to their unborn children is: a) the U.S.; b) Canada; c) England; or d) Cuba?

Author: foureyedcurmudgeon

The Four-Eyed Curmudgeon is a middle-aged male who is everything right-wing America despises: he is a big-city, ivy league-educated, liberal Jew. He currently resides in a suburb of Philadelphia. He chooses anonymity for the time being because this is his first experience blogging and he wants to get comfortable with it, and see if he likes it, before he exposes himself (figuratively speaking, of course) to the world.

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