October News Quiz

1.   According to a new study, seniors with hearing impairments may have a higher risk of dying than seniors with normal hearing because:

a) poor hearing is a reasonable indicator of poorer health in general;

b) poor hearing is associated with other health risk factors such as smoking, diabetes, and high blood pressure;

c) poor hearing can lead to a sense of social isolation, which has an effect on overall health; or

d) poor hearing prevents seniors from hearing things like “Look out for that car that just ran the red light and is riding up the sidewalk”?

2.  The net out-migration of people from Alaska was greater last year than it has been in any single year since 1988 because:

a) people who came to Alaska to find jobs during the recession are now returning to the lower forty-eight because the economy has improved;

b) continued embarrassment over the whole Sarah Palin thing;

c) fresh moose and caribou meat is seriously overrated; or

d) are you kidding – do you have any idea how wicked cold it is up there?

3.  Scientists have discovered that elephants rarely get cancer because:

a) they lead clean, healthy lives;

b) they’re vegetarians;

c) they have more copies of a gene that encodes p53, a compound that suppresses tumor formation; or

d) actually, they have no idea how often elephants get cancer: would YOU like to perform a prostate exam or pap smear on a 10,000-pound pachyderm?

4.  The governor of Washington recently rejected a plan by the state’s wildlife managers to expand cougar hunting because:

a) they’re beautiful animals that should be respected, not hunted;

b) he opposes hunting;

c) he’s concerned that cougars would be hunted too close to populated areas, potentially endangering human lives; or

d) cougars should be free to date and mate with younger men without any interference from the government?

5.  General Motors is advising the owners of some of its SUVs not to use the windshield wipers in their cars because:

a) an electrical short could cause the wiper motor to catch fire;

b) the cars were only intended to be sold in parts of Arizona and California where it rarely rains;

c) unlike Ford, quality is not job one for GM; or

d) seriously, you expected a car AND working windshield wipers for $40,000?

6.  In Prairie View, Texas, police officers used a Taser on a member of the town’s council, just months after a woman who received the same treatment in the same town died in her jail cell, because:

a) those gizmos aren’t just for decoration, pardner;

b) the councilman was only down on his knees at the time and not flat on his face, so he still obviously posed a threat to police;

c) it’s Texas, that’s what they do; or

d) Black lives still don’t matter in Texas?

7.  Russia launched its military incursion into Syria not by attempting to rout ISIS forces but by attacking the enemies of Syrian president Bashar al-Assad because:

a) Russia loves a head of state who tortures his enemies;

b) Russia loves a head of state who uses chemical weapons against his enemies;

c) Russia loves a head of state who knows how to rig elections; or

d) it’s easier to attack the defenseless than to attack ISIS, which actually has the capacity to fight back?

8.  Oprah Winfrey purchased ten percent of Weight Watchers because:

a) she has to spend all that money on something;

b) it’s a great investment;

c) she wants to help people lose weight; or

d) if you can’t eat ‘em, join ‘em?

9.  China repealed its “one-child-to-a-family” law because:

a) it was always a silly law;

b) the country needs more workers to churn out cheap products for overseas markets;

c) it’s worried about its aging population; or

d) with six you get eggroll?

10.  An earthquake that registered 7.5 on the Richter scale that struck Afghanistan:

a) was caused by American infidels, according to ISIS and al-Qaeda;

b) was caused by Israeli infidels, according to ISIS and al-Qaeda;

c) was caused by Christian infidels, according to ISIS and al-Qaeda; or

d) was so powerful that it would have leveled entire cities – if there was anything in Afghanistan to level?

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