And They Say Americans are Prudes

Well, maybe we are, or maybe we are just compared to the French, because we all (think we) know about those French, but certainly not in comparison to the Germans.

What else can we think after Germany’s highest court threw out a challenge to the country’s anti-bestiality law?

That’s right: two people who said they were attracted to animals sued to have the law overturned based on what they said was their right to “sexual self-determination.”

Well, in The Curmudgeon’s world “sexual self-determination” involves Salma Hayek, chocolate ganache, and non-dairy whipped topping, but that’s a subject for another day.

The German version of the Supreme Court said nein to all of that, maintaining that protecting animals is a legitimate aim of the state.

As strange as it may seem, it’s not as if the court was upholding a long-standing law. Having sex with animals was legalized in Germany in 1969 except in cases in which it could be proven that the animals suffered significant harm.

We’ll have to assume that means physical harm because we’re not aware of any ways animals can express diminished self-esteem because of their poor judgment when it comes to sex partners.

After all, is there even a shred of proof that any animal – even one – has ever taken the walk of shame?

Germany only banned sex with animals in 2013. At the time there were reports that “bestiality brothels,” where people could court and spark with the critter of their choice, were opening all around the country. Opponents of the ban – good lord, they have a name, they’re known as “zoophiles,” and an advocacy group, called Zoophile Engagement for Tolerance and Information – protested that sex between humans and animals should be allowed if there is mutual consent.

Do they have talking animals in Germany, capable of expressing mutual consent, that the rest of us are in the dark about?

Or are we just supposed to be able to tell by the twinkle in their eyes and that “come hither” look?


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