The Sunday New York Times reported that
Donald J. Trump sits high in Trump Tower in New York, spending hours on the phone with friends, television personalities and donors to ask if they know people to recommend for his cabinet.
So the guy is working hard; good for him.
But…hold on a second.
He’s asking television personalities for cabinet recommendations?
The mind reels with the possibilities of Trump consulting his past Celebrity Apprentice cast members for ideas.
Is he going to seek Gary Busey’s thoughts on Commerce Secretary? (Does Gary Busey even have thoughts?)
Does he think Boy George might have ideas for Defense Secretary?
Is he consulting Andrew Dice Clay on diplomatic appointments?
Or Star Jones on candidates for White House counsel?
Could he be asking Nadia Comaneci or Gene Simmons about whom he should appoint as ambassadors to their native countries? Or might Dennis Rodman have special insight into whom would be best suited to serve as ambassador to North Korea?
Or Teresa Giudice on criminal justice system appointments?
Is he really seeking the assistance of Khloe Kardashian?
Advice from Melissa Rivers?
“Hello, Snooki, Donald Trump here.”
Hello, Mr. Trump. How are you?”
“I’m doing great, Snooki, really fabulous.”
“That’s good, but like I told you four or five times, Mr. Trump, I’m married now and I’m, like, not that kind of girl anymore. I’m flattered, but I’m married with two children now.”
“No, Snooki, that’s not why I’m calling, although my offer stands, you know that. I’m calling because now that I’ve been elected president, I’m looking for help on who to appoint to my cabinet.”
“Yes. It was in all the papers and on television. Don’t you subscribe to my Twitter feed?”
“I’m too busy feeding my children, Mr. Trump. But when you say you’ve been elected president, you mean like on TV, right? Not like in real life, right?”
“Yes, Snooki, in real life. Do you have any ideas for who would be good for my cabinet?”
“In that case, yes: Mike Sorrentino.”
“Is he popular? Is he good ratings? Because frankly, if he’s not popular he can’t be any good.”
“Oh, he’s, like, very popular.”
“Excellent. So why him?”
“Because I saw in a movie once that there’s a place in the White House called the situation room.”
“Well, didn’t you watch Jersey Shore?”
“No, I missed it, it’s on my TIVO, but I heard it was terrific, really terrific. Great ratings, very popular. But what about this Sorrentino?”
“Well, if you watched Jersey Shore you’d know that his nickname is ‘The Situation,’ so I figure he would be great for a job in the situation room.”
“That’s a terrific recommendation, Snooki, you really came through for me bigly, hugely.”
“You’re welcome. So you’re really, like, going to be president?”
“Yes, Snooki, I am.”
“And this is for real, not a TV reality show?”
“And when you ran, people really took you seriously and didn’t think it was just for TV?”
“They took me very seriously, to be honest. In fact, 62 million people voted for me.”
“Those are great ratings.”
“The best ratings. Only the best. Thank you, Snooki.”
“You’re welcome, Mr. Trump.”