Two-Faced Alexa

The Curmudgeonly Mother’s fading eyesight has rendered even her large-type bedroom clock-radio mostly useless, so The Curmudgeonly Sister, ever the creative problem-solver for all things mom, purchased an Amazon Alexa device. Now, when mom’s in bed and wants to know the time she just says “Alexa, what time is it?” and Alexa tells her the time. Mom also has taken to asking Alexa for a little bedtime music, and she finds that 20 minutes of Frank Sinatra – or Tony Bennett or Perry Como or the Three Tenors or Joe Williams or Mel Torme – really helps her sleep.

Sometime in recent days someone got the idea to ask Alexa who would win the Super Bowl, and when The Curmudgeon visited mom yesterday he was instructed to ask Alexa who would win the big game today.

Alexa put on quite a little show. “She” noted, after a dramatic clearing of the throat, that while New England was the favorite, the Eagles had momentum on their side and could very well win the game.   (How a team is supposed to have momentum when it hasn’t played a game in two weeks is a question for another time.)

The Curmudgeon laughed and thought about it for a moment. Alexa, of course, has to know where The Curmudgeonly Mother lives so she can give the time, and she probably has more specific information available based on the internet connection IP address and doubtlessly knows that mom lives in Philadelphia and possibly even the home address.

The Curmudgeon, he has never shared in this space, had a minor talent with voices and accents. Sometimes he suspects this can be more than mildly annoying: just ask Mrs. Curmudgeon, who has endured periods of hours during which her husband speaks exclusively in a very Jimmy Carter-influenced southern accent. (In fact, as The Curmudgeon proofreads this piece one last time before posting it he realizes that his inner reading voice now has a southern accent. Mrs. Curmudgeon may be in for a verrrrrry long day today.)

And the most uncurmudgeonly Mrs. Curmudgeon rolls her eyes to the point of inducing a headache but utters nary a word of complaint.

And if that ain’t love, The Curmudgeon doesn’t know what is.

Anyhow, sensing that Alexa was just telling the people what she thought they wanted to hear, The Curmudgeon channeled his best Jimmy Carter 1980 presidential primary opponent, Teddy Kennedy, and asked the question again.

Er, eh, Alexa, who do you, er, eh, think might win the Supah Bowl this yee-ah?

Alexa didn’t hesitate:

New England will win this year’s Super Bowl.

Two-faced bitch!

Enjoy the game, but…


Author: foureyedcurmudgeon

The Four-Eyed Curmudgeon is a middle-aged male who is everything right-wing America despises: he is a big-city, ivy league-educated, liberal Jew. He currently resides in a suburb of Philadelphia. He chooses anonymity for the time being because this is his first experience blogging and he wants to get comfortable with it, and see if he likes it, before he exposes himself (figuratively speaking, of course) to the world.

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