Scenes From the Asylum

Last weekend was the annual meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference, a collection of Republicans and conservatives whose common bond is that they all hate and fear anyone who doesn’t look, think, and act like them. The result is some pretty entertaining drivel that would be a lot funnier if these folks weren’t so incredibly serious about it.

The following are some highlights.

Who’s the Enemy?

As the Washington Post reported, one of the challenges conservatives and Republicans face these days is that they have no specific enemy or enemies to target with their invective. Bill Clinton is gone. Barack Obama is gone. Hillary Clinton is gone – though they continue chanting “lock her up” at every mention of her name because, well, who else do they consider worthy of their hatred?

That’s probably why they went all high school with – as reported by the Washington Post –

…a stand-up of Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., made grotesque and outfitted with a Native American headdress.

Actually, referring to such a stunt as “high school” is probably an insult to high schoolers everywhere.

Wayne’s World

LaPierre, in all his glory

One of the more amusing developments was NRA mouthpiece Wayne LaPierre trying to start a red scare, of all things, as reported by the Post:

“They are not Democrats in the mold of John F. Kennedy or Tip O’Neill,” said LaPierre. “They hide behind labels like Democrat, left-wing and progressive to make their socialist agenda more palatable, and that is terrifying … absolute control in every corner of our government is their ultimate dream.”

The “socialist” remark is especially funny: Bernie Sanders, whether you love him or hate him, is a self-described socialist and no one seemed to have much of a problem with that when he ran for president. Red-baiting is so yesterday: in fact, in a 2000 episode of The West Wing, Martin Sheen’s Jed Bartlet has a laugh over being referred to as a socialist (see it here, at about the thirty-second mark). But that didn’t stop ol’ Wayne from leveling a 1950s criticism about a 2018 problem.

LaPierre can barely open his mouth without saying something stupid:

As usual, the opportunists waited not one second to exploit tragedy for political gain. Chris Murphy, Nancy Pelosi, and more, cheered on by the national media, eager to blame the NRA and call for more government control.

Because we all know that gun advocates are always open to discussing this issue and don’t need a special reason to do so, right?

And then, a truly breathtaking assertion:

“It’s not a safety issue, it’s a political issue. They care more about control. Their goal is to eliminate the Second Amendment and our firearms freedoms so they can eliminate all individual freedoms.

Think about that: LaPierre is asserting that Democrats and liberals want to eliminate “all individual freedoms.” How incredibly stupid can one guy be?

Wayne Must Be Contagious

The Curmudgeon didn’t think there would ever be a gun advocate as obnoxious as Wayne LaPierre but then along came Dana Loesch

Two peas in a pod, NRA spokesperson Dana Loesch continued the assault on common sense, as reported by the Washington Examiner:

“Many in legacy media love mass shootings. You guys love it,” Loesch said. “I’m not saying that you love the tragedy, but I am saying that you love the ratings. Crying white mothers are ratings gold to you and many in the legacy media.”

 So her problem is that…the press reports major news stories?

 Loesch’s attacks come a day after she appeared on a CNN town hall families who were affected by the recent high school shooting in Parkland, Fla., where 17 people were killed. Loesch directly called out CNN during her speech, questioning why CNN didn’t host a town hall in Chicago, a city notorious for its high rates of crime and gun violence.

 “There are thousands of grieving black mothers in Chicago every weekend and you don’t see town halls for them, do you? Where’s the CNN town hall for Chicago?” Loesch said. “If it bleeds, it leads; but it has to be the right people from the right communities at the right time.”

As if it’s the job of the press, rather than public officials, to solve public policy problems – problems exacerbated, to a significant degree, by people like Dana Loesch.

No, He Didn’t Really Say That

Steele seriously dissed

But oh, yes, he really did.

 The “he” is CPAC’s communication director, Ian Walters, who demonstrated that maybe he doesn’t know so much about communication after all when he told the assembled that

We elected Mike Steele as chairman because he was a black guy, that was the wrong thing to do.

Steele, you may recall, is an African-American man who was chairman of the Republican National Committee from 2009 until 2011.


Sean Hannity was not going to let these amateurs out-loon him. Broadcasting his program from CPAC, Hannity focused on old news by targeting Hillary Clinton and CNN for his special brand of making it up as he goes along.

There’s low, there’s lower, there’s lowest, and then there’s Sean Hannity

He also found time to call CNN a “shithole news network.”

Dude can’t even be original.

He also had something bizarre to say about Barack Obama.

They want Obama on Mt. Rushmore.

Quick, Sean, name one person who wants Obama on Mt. Rushmore.


Then there was Sebastian Gorka, the foreign policy advisor no one ever heard of who somehow wormed his way into the White House, only to be tossed out once Cadet Bone Spurs’ team realized he was a nobody, explaining that Trump would overcome the threat of impeachment by

…outflanking them every day on Twitter multiple times

Yeah, Gorka, because that’s exactly how you prevent impeachment: by tweeting.

The Acorn Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree


Eric Trump apparently said the following about his daddy with a perfectly straight face:

Hardcore Democrats – you know, I talk to them – they say, he’s surpassed every expectation.

Oh, Eric, sweet sweet Eric, poor, sheltered, naïve Eric: they didn’t intend that as a compliment, son.

Social Diseases

Fox News talking head Laura Ingraham borrowed from another right-wing nitwit when she declared that

Liberals are kind of like herpes. Just when you think you have it beat, they come back again.’ There’s no cure, OK? You can only keep it at bay.

This was the quality of the conservative discourse last weekend.

Ted Cruz

Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas)

The man even his supporters don’t like also weighed in on the gun issue.

“The Left’s answer is always, always, always: strip the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding citizens,” Cruz said about the response to the latest mass shooting. “Here’s the problem: it just doesn’t work. If you look at the jurisdictions with the toughest gun control laws, cities like Chicago, cities like Washington DC, they often have among the highest murder rates and crime rates.”

Ignoring, of course, the many, many countries that have strict gun controls and almost no gun crimes.

Way to be selective with the facts, Teddy.

But the man voted “most likely to be punched in the face by a complete stranger” by his high school classmates wasn’t finished.

I think the Democrats are the party of Lisa Simpson.

Say whaaaaat?

And Republicans are happily the party of Homer, and Bart and Maggie and Marge.

Well, that makes sense: Homer Simpson is an idiot and Ted Cruz is claiming Homer Simpson as one of his own.


The Curmudgeon will save Cadet Bone Spurs’ remarks for the next Trump Watch.

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