Wild Horses Couldn’t…

As part of his job The Curmudgeon monitors certain business activities in central Pennsylvania. To do so he subscribes to a number of daily headline emails from publications in that area, including the Central Penn Business Journal; he has occasionally written about things he’s read there. Often, when you subscribe to such things, the price you pay is that you also get promotional emails and others that you don’t really want – even the New York Times does this – but since he’s getting something for nothing, The Curmudgeon figures it’s only fair that he be on the receiving end of whatever the publications are trying to sell or promote.

Several of the publications to which The Curmudgeon subscribes send out a “Ten Things to Do This Weekend” email every Thursday afternoon and he generally enjoys skimming these and seeing what’s going in on different places, but this past Thursday one of those notices stopped him dead in his tracks:

Rob Schneider – Thursday at the Eichelberger Performing Arts Center, Hanover

 Emmy-nominated comedian Rob Schneider has made a return to stand-up after a 20-year break with his show “Please Join Me for an Evening of Lies.” Schneider is known for his trademark blend of character and comedic acting on the big screen, from four seasons of “Saturday Night Live” and now for his original Netflix show “Real Rob.”

For the life of him The Curmudgeon cannot imagine what degree of boredom, entertainment deprivation, inebriation, or delirium could possibly induce him to voluntarily choose to suffer an evening with Rob Schneider.

Here, though, is a list of ten things The Curmudgeon would rather do than spend two hours in an audience listening to Rob Schneider try to be funny:

  1. Go to the dentist
  2. Watch a soccer game
  3. Attend a poetry reading
  4. Shovel snow
  5. Mow the lawn
  6. Watch a movie made by Quentin Tarentino, Martin Scorsese, or the Coen Brothers
  7. Balance his checkbook
  8. Eat Mexican food
  9. Get a colonoscopy
  10. Iron shirts
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  • Peaches Shimmerdeep  On March 3, 2018 at 10:24 am

    I’m with you except for 3, 8, and 9. Why 9, you ask? It’s a good sleep and you always lose a pound or two.

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