The Wit and Wisdom of Senator John Kennedy

No, not THAT John Kennedy.  The John Kennedy – John N. Kennedy – who is a Republican senator from Louisiana.

Appearing recently with preppie Tucker Carlson to talk about the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings, Kennedy said that

These are people — I’m not gonna name names — but I’m not sure they have a soul.  I don’t think their mother breast-fed them.


I think they went right to raw meat.

Earlier in the week, also on Fox News, he described the confirmation hearings as “an intergalactic freak show.”

And then added

If you think this is about searching for the truth, you ought to put down the bong.

The Curmudgeon had noticed Kennedy in the past.  He is, on one hand, a pretty bright guy, but on the other, he’s highly partisan – which, to be fair, is to be expected for someone in his line of work.  He’s also not above appearing to try to say things in ways that will get him public attention – also, to be fair, something to be expected of someone in his line of work.  So The Curmudgeon did some sleuthing – okay, it was more like one of these new-fangled FBI investigations in which you don’t look too hard and too far for too long – and came up with some other Kennedy pearls.

From Huffington Post:

Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots,” Kennedy said dismissively last week, as a government shutdown loomed. “I think most Americans are wondering how some folks up here made it through the birth canal.”


“That’s why the aliens won’t talk to us,” Kennedy told reporters, referring to the bipartisan blame game over the president’s comments. “They look at us and say, ‘These people… they’re 13-year-olds.’”


He later described a recent meeting at the White House with Trump as “very positive,” adding that “no one called anybody an ignorant slut or anything.”


“This is Washington, D.C.,” Kennedy said in December. “Politics is in everybody’s blood, kind of like herpes.”

 Kennedy has directed witticisms at his fellow Republicans, as well. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (Ky.), for example, is “tougher than a $3 steak,” according to Kennedy, while Sen. John McCain, who is still recovering from cancer surgery in Arizona, is “tough as a boiled owl.”

The Curmudgeon, for one, has no frame of reference for understanding the degree of toughness of a boiled owl.


In October, Kennedy drew plaudits from both parties when he said the IRS contracting the hacked company Equifax to combat fraud was like giving actress Lindsay Lohan ― who’s had her troubles ― “the keys to the minibar.” 


“Just because you’ve seen [the movie] ‘My Cousin Vinny’ doesn’t qualify you to be a federal judge,” Kennedy said to nominee Matthew Petersen, who admitted during the hearing that he had never tried a case or argued a motion in court. 

CNN offers this:

Skeptical of the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office, which estimates the costs of various bills, Kennedy remarked last fall that it makes “those late-night psychic hotlines that you see advertised reputable.”

And this:

Kennedy, unlike some members too afraid of ruffling feathers, has commented freely on a range of issues and offered clear-eyed analysis of his own party’s reckonings. Amid the GOP’s infighting over tax reform, Kennedy offered a food analogy.

 “It’s like taking a big ol’ piece of cheesecake and putting a bunch of spinach on top and saying you can’t eat the cheesecake till you eat the spinach,” he said once, describing disputes that leaders had to resolve last fall before passing a final bill.

 He’s even called out his colleagues in a decidedly anatomical way. Senators need to “grow some oranges and … make some hard decisions,” he said in September, talking about fiscal issues. Too many of them “have been dictionary definition of weenies,” he added.

Even the usually humorless Fox News has found Kennedy entertaining.

That is, unless the newcomer tells a Supreme Court nominee during a confirmation hearing that his hope is the future justice can be a “cross between Socrates and Dirty Harry.”

Kennedy is an interesting guy, to be sure, and certainly a breath of fresh air in the stuffiest chamber of American government.






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