Tag Archives: lies in donald trump’s speech

The Donald is In!

For pundits, comedians, talk show hosts, and bloggers who may have been skeptical, it’s now clear: there is indeed a god. How else to explain the gift that’s been bestowed upon us in the form of Donald Trump’s official candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination?

trumpYes, The Donald has thrown whatever the hell that is on his head into the ring.

Oh, sure, there were those clueless prognosticators who insisted Trump would never run – one The Curmudgeon knows wrote that he was too gutless to run – but lo and behold, The Donald is, after many years of pretending he was going to run for president, actually going to do it this time.

And he got it started with a bang last week with an announcement that may go down in history as one of the most bizarre speeches ever – a mix of shameless self-promotion, braggadocio, shameless self-promotion, saber-rattling, shameless self-promotion, mutilation of the truth, shameless self-promotion, jingoism, shameless self-promotion, fabrication, and yes, even more shameless self-promotion. You can read it yourself here, courtesy of the Wall Street Journal.

And now, The Curmudgeon would like to share some of the highlights with you.

The Donald began, as he often does, with some self-promotion.

It’s great to be here at Trump Tower.

Nothing like a quick commercial plug.

Next, some exaggeration.

This is beyond anybody’s expectations. There’s been no crowd like this.

Well, actually, The Donald made sure there was no crowd like that: according to published reports, his people contacted a New York City casting agency and hired actors for $50 apiece to fill out the crowd. The email from Trump’s people to the casting agency reportedly read

We are looking to cast people for the event to wear T-shirts and carry signs and help cheer him in support of his announcement. We understand this is not a traditional ‘background job,’ but we believe acting comes in all forms and this is inclusive of that school of thought.

Yes, it is “inclusive of that school of thought!” Inclusive, yes, but not very effective; they must’ve been lousy actors because the crowd is conspicuously quiet throughout The Donald’s speech; see for yourself here. Maybe he needs to do his thing with these actors: declare “You’re fired.”

Trump immediately launched into a routine about China being an enemy of the U.S.

We used to have victories, but we don’t have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, China in a trade deal? They kill us.

But like Mighty Mouse, Trump is coming to our rescue:

I beat China all the time. All the time.

And The Donald has identified a new enemy for us: Mexico.

Yes, Mexico.

Who knew?

They are not our friend, believe me. But they’re killing us economically.

That’s right: you can hardly find an American these days who wouldn’t gladly trade places with the average Mexican.

When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with them. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.

Mexico, of course, isn’t “sending” anyone here. The folks sneaking across the border – in shrinking numbers, by the way – are fleeing oppressive poverty in the hope of securing a sub-minimum wage job in the U.S. picking fruit, mowing lawns, or cleaning hotel rooms. Is that how Mexico is “killing us economically”? And about those people Mexico is “sending”: didn’t we go through this a few years ago with John McCain and the governor of Arizona when we learned that all those rapes, abductions, and murders they attributed to people who snuck across the U.S. border were sheer fabrication? Well, The Donald wasn’t going to let a little thing like the truth get in the way of making his point.

He seldom does.

Sensing that his audience might be skeptical, The Donald elaborated:

But I speak to border guards and they tell us what we’re getting.

Because we can all envision The Donald hitting a cop bar and tossing back a few with U.S. border guards.

Next he turned his attention to ISIS, but for him, ISIS is more an economic competitor than a threat to people, countries, and entire regions of the world.

Islamic terrorism is eating up large portions of the Middle East. They’ve become rich. I’m in competition with them. They just built a hotel in Syria. Can you believe this? They built a hotel. When I have to build a hotel, I pay interest. They don’t have to pay interest, because they took the oil that, when we left Iraq, I said we should have taken.

A couple of things here. First, did he really suggest that the U.S. should have stolen oil? Second, does he really see ISIS only as an economic threat? Does he not see, or just not care about, the havoc ISIS is wreaking in its part of the world? Probably not – because after all, it certainly doesn’t affect his own pocketbook.

Next The Donald turned his attention to the economy.

Last quarter, it was just announced our gross domestic product – a sign of strength, right? But not for us. It was below zero. Whoever heard of this? It’s never below zero.

And it wasn’t below zero last quarter, either. The U.S. gross domestic product for the past year is more than $17 trillion.

So The Donald was off just a tad.

The Donald then turned his attention to the Obamacare website.

I have so many websites, I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a web site. It costs me three dollars.

That’s right: while the rest of the world spends serious money to establish complex websites, The Donald apparently can snap his fingers and get a website for three dollars.

He must be using GoDaddy.

The guy’s amazing. The bragging never ends.

But he wasn’t finished with Obamacare.

Obamacare really kicks in in 16, 2016. Obama is going to be out playing golf.

What he’s suggesting, of course, is that when the real problems with Obamacare set in, Obama won’t be president anymore. Just one problem: in 2016 he will be. Will someone kindly inform The Donald that unless Mr. Obama chooses to leave office early and give Joe Biden a quick turn behind the wheel, Obama will be president through all of 2016 and until January 20, 2017?

obama playing golfAnd he decided that a presidential campaign announcement speech was an appropriate place to talk about the president’s golf game.

He might be on one of my courses. I would invite him, I actually would say. I have the best courses in the world, so I’d say, you want, if he wants to – I have one right next to the White House, right on the Potomac. If you’d like to play, that’s fine.

So here he is, announcing his candidacy for the presidency, but he needs to throw in a plug for his golf courses.

Like on television, however, you seldom get just one commercial at a time.

Now, our country needs – our country needs a truly great leader, and we need a truly great leader now. We need a leader that wrote The Art of the Deal.

Copies no doubt available at the back of the room after the speech for $24.95. The Donald is not one to let a money-making opportunity pass unexploited.

hot pocketsAnd then he touches upon one of The Curmudgeon’s favorite subjects.

We need somebody that can take the brand of the United States and make it right again.

That’s right: we are no longer a country, neither an idea nor an ideal, not even a dream. We’re a brand. Like Pop Tarts. Or Kotex.

Trump also expressed displeasure with Mr. Obama for negotiating the release of a prisoner of war, Bowe Bergdahl, who it turns out was not without some serious issues of his own.

We get Bergdahl. We get a traitor. We get a no-good traitor, and they get the five people that they wanted for years, and those people are now back on the battlefield trying to kill us. That’s the negotiator we had.

One problem: Those five people are in Qatar, are being watched, can’t leave Qatar, and are nowhere near any battlefields.

Whereas earlier The Donald portrayed China as a mortal enemy, he now switches gears and proclaims

… I like China. I sell apartments for – I just sold an apartment for $15 million to somebody from China. Am I supposed to dislike them?

 Because anyone who does business with The Donald has to be a good guy, right?

 I own a big chunk of the Bank of America Building at 1290 Avenue of the Americas that I got from China in a war. Very valuable. I love China. The biggest bank in the world is from China. You know where their United States headquarters is located? In this building, in Trump Tower. I love China.

Huh? Trump waged war against China? The mainstream media must have missed that one. Completely.

So how will The Donald finance his campaign?

I’m using my own money. I’m not using the lobbyists. I’m not using donors. I don’t care. I’m really rich.

And modest.

But that was just the beginning of the modesty.

I’m a private company, so nobody knows what I’m worth. And the one thing is that when you run, you have to announce and certify to all sorts of governmental authorities your net worth. So I said, “that’s okay.” I’m proud of my net worth. I’ve done an amazing job.

An amazing job.

Then, to his humble roots.

I started off – thank you – I started off in a small office with my father in Brooklyn and Queens, my father said – and I love my father. I learned so much.

Let us digress for a moment and take a quick look at how Trump got his start and how he made his money. Wikipedia – admittedly not the best source in the world, but also not a terrible one for something like this – reports that The Donald’s father developed and ran affordable rental housing in New York City – and not just an apartment building or two, either: 27,000 units of low-income, multi-family apartment complexes and row houses in Coney Island, Bensonhurst, Sheepshead Bay, Flatbush, and Brighton Beach.

So The Donald didn’t exactly start out with the shirt on his back and the change in his pocket.

So what did he start out with for resources? You can find a great explanation of how Trump got his start in business, how he and his family built their empire in large part with government money, how he has had to turn to the courts many times for relief from the financial pain caused by his own lack of competence, and how he now believes that those same means of pursuing success should not be available to others in a fascinating excerpt from the book The Self-Made Myth: The Truth About How Government Helps Individuals and Businesses Succeed. Find it here.

So how much is The Donald worth? He was not at all shy about discussing this. (You suspected otherwise?)

And I have big assets – big accounting firm, one of the most highly respected – $9,240,000,000.

One would think that would be enough on the subject. But anyone who thinks that clearly hasn’t been paying attention all these years.

So I have a total net worth, and now with the increase, it will be well over $10 billion. But here, a total net worth of – net worth, not assets not – net worth, after all debt, after all expenses, the greatest assets – Trump Tower, 1290 Avenue of the Americas, Bank of America Building in San Francisco, 40 Wall Street, sometimes referred to as the Trump Building right opposite the New York – many other places all over the world. So the total is $8,737,000,540. Now I’m not doing that… I’m not doing that to brag because you know what? I don’t have to brag. I don’t have to, believe it or not.

Not.

great wall of chinaAnd then he returned to Mexico.

I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively, I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.

And more Mr. Tough Guy.

Nobody will be tougher on ISIS than Donald Trump. Nobody.

And it’s hard not to take him at his word, considering that he apparently won a building from China in a war.

And then he inexplicably took a gratuitous swipe at Secretary of State John Kerry.

And we won’t be using a man like Secretary Kerry that has absolutely no conception of negotiation, who’s making a horrible and laughable deal, who’s just being tapped as they make weapons right now, and then goes into a bicycle race at 72 years old, and falls and breaks his leg. I won’t be doing it. I promise I will never be in a bicycle race.

Once again he’s playing fast and loose with the facts: yes, Kerry fell off his bicycle and broke his leg, but no, he was not participating in a race at the time of his fall.

But again The Donald is not going to let a little thing like the facts get in the way of telling a tall tale.

And finally, The Donald has a few words about our infrastructure.

Rebuild the country’s infrastructure. Nobody can do that like me. Believe me. It will be done on time, on budget, way below cost, way below what anyone ever thought. I look at the roads being built all over the country, and I say I can build those things for one-third. What they did was unbelievable, how bad.

 It hardly seems necessary to editorialize at this point, it’s all so incredibly appalling, so instead of having the last word himself, The Curmudgeon will test your patience just one more time by pointing you in the direction of a wonderful column by Dana Milbank of the Washington Post and giving him the last word. Its title is “Donald Trump’s festival of narcissism,” and you can find it here.

stoogesThis may be a lot of fun – at least for at long as it lasts – as we now have the Three Stooges in the Republican presidential contest: Shemp (Rick Perry), Larry (Rick Santorum), and Moe (The Donald).

Nyuck nyuck!

 

 

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