Tag Archives: news quiz

June News Quiz

  1. Twinkies snack cakes will return to store shelves next month after a year-long absence when Hostess Brands, which manufactured the treats, went out of business.  The cakes’ return will be celebrated by:  a) people who love Twinkies; b) moms who know that putting Twinkies in their kids’ and husbands’ lunch boxes will make them happy; c) grocers hoping for an increase in snack cake sales; or d) pharmaceutical companies that make insulin?
  2. Actor Michael Douglas recently explained that he believes that performing oral sex caused his throat cancer.  This has resulted in:  a) a whole new perspective on throat cancer; b) a whole new perspective on Michael Douglas; c) a whole new perspective on Catherine Zeta-Jones; or d) a whole new perspective on the perpetual smile on the faces of women whose husbands have survived throat cancer?
  3. Pope Francis recently confirmed that there is an active “gay lobby” within the Vatican.  That gay lobby’s number one interest appears to be:  a) redesigning the papal robes; b) redecorating the Vatican; b) legalizing pedophilia; or d) organizing a Village People reunion concert at the Colosseum?
  4. Members of the U.S. Senate want to raise interest rates on student loans because:  a) lending money at high interest rates shouldn’t be reserved for greedy banks; b) they reject the notion that students deserve a lower interest rate than anyone else; c) they think that burdening college students with $100,000 or more of high-interest debt upon graduation is a great way to create a positive work incentive; or d) giving young people low-cost college loans is yet another example of the nanny state as well as being redistributive and a sign of creeping socialism?
  5. Celebrity-for-no-particular-reason Kim Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl.  The child came out:  a) ass first, in honor of her mother having such a big ass: b) ass first, in honor of baby daddy Kanye West being such a big ass; c) to the sound of two photographers clicking away because Grandma Pimp, er, Kris, had sold the rights to delivery room photos of the new baby for $1.5 million; or d) with a contract to star in a new reality series on the E network, to debut this fall?
  6. Instagram recently announced that users can now post short videos and not just photos.  It’s doing this because:  a) it’s what its users want; b) photos-only is so 2012; c) it has the technology, it has the know-how; or d) what’s Instagram?
  7. Texas Republican senator Ted Cruz is:  a) every Texan’s dream; b) every tea party member’s dream; c) every liberal’s dream; or d) all of the above?
  8. Media critic Howard Kurtz, formerly of the Washington Post and the Daily Beast and still host of the CNN program Reliable Sources, announced that he will be moving next month to Fox News in the wake of revelations of serious mistakes in some of his reporting.  Kurtz is moving to Fox News because:  a) he needs a job; b) the people at the National Enquirer said thanks but no thanks; c) Fox made him a better offer; or d) Fox wants to become the new go-to place for journalists who’ve lost their credibility and are mad at the world about it?
  9. Profits are down at Olive Garden restaurants because:  a) people finally realized that every town has plenty of Italian restaurants and there’s no reason to eat at a bland chain place; b) negative publicity surrounding the company’s announcement that it would cut employees’ hours so it wouldn’t have to pay for their health insurance; c) unlimited breadsticks made people realize how bad those breadsticks actually are; or d) customers rebelled at listening to the all-Dean Martin soundtrack and never want to hear about the moon hitting your eye like a big pizza pie again?
  10. Researchers believe that men who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer may be less likely to see their cancer spread if they eat a diet high in vegetable fats, such as olive oil and nuts.  As a result of this finding:  a) men are eating more vegetable fats, like olive oil and nuts; b) Italian and Greek men are feeling very good about themselves; c) men who are eating diets high in vegetable fats aren’t seeing their prostate cancer spread but are seeing their cholesterol count skyrocket; or d) it’s now clear that eating lots of nuts is good for a man’s nuts?

May News Quiz

  1. A Pennsylvania woman who disappeared from her home in 2002 and was declared dead in 2009 recently resurfaced 1000 miles away, in Florida.  When asked to explain her eleven-year absence, the woman said:  a) I had to get away from my husband; b) the lines at Disneyworld’s “Space Mountain” ride were unbelievable; c) traffic was a bitch; or d) they always exaggerate when they say your pizza will be ready in twenty minutes?
  2. When confronted with proof that the IRS had targeted conservative and tea party political groups for extra scrutiny, the agency’s director explained that:  a) we feel we had legitimate concerns about whether these groups qualified for the tax exemptions they were applying for; b) we were just trying to help out our boss, the president; c) we were just trying to embarrass our boss, the president; or d) we’re the IRS and we’ll do whatever we damn well please?
  3. It was recently revealed that actor Charlie Sheen’s children by his most recent ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, are being cared for by his previous ex-wife, Denise Richards, while Mueller is being treated for a drug problem.  This step was necessary because:  a) Mueller has a drug problem and clearly isn’t fit to care for her own children; b) Sheen certainly wasn’t going to take care of his own children himself; c) Richards is the only responsible adult with whom Sheen has a relationship; or d) Ashton Kutcher wasn’t available to care for Sheen’s children?
  4. U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock (R-IL) wants to propose a law that would prohibit the federal Centers for Disease Control and Management from participating in campaigns to publicize the negative health effects of any kinds of foods and beverages, claiming that such campaigns attack Americans’ freedom of choice.  In defending his idea, Schock said that:  a) what people don’t know won’t hurt them; b) it’s every American’s god-given right to eat or drink himself to an early death; c) I’ve always eaten and drank whatever I wanted and look how good I turned out; or d) just because the government spends billions of dollars of public money doing research on the potential effects of various foods and beverages doesn’t mean we need to share that information with the public that paid for that research?
  5. The feud between golfers Tiger Woods and Sergio Garcia escalated last week when Garcia, when asked if he would get together with Woods during an upcoming tournament, said that “We’ll have him ‘round every night.  We will serve fried chicken.”  Faced with immediate public backlash, Garcia refused to back down, insisting that:  a) I always – always – serve fried chicken when I have company; b) I’ve eaten with Tiger before and he always orders the fried chicken; c) Tiger’s only part black, so obviously this wasn’t intended as a racial slur.  If that had been my intent, I also would have mentioned some food that’s Chinese or Japanese or whatever the hell he is; or d) I’m from Spain and don’t know about any of those ridiculous stereotype comments that Americans make about each other.  Now if Tiger was Portuguese I’d have a lot of great insults for him?
  6.  A few years ago, Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett said that jobless residents of his state would rather collect unemployment than look for work.  A few weeks ago he said that jobs in his state go unfilled because companies can’t find prospective workers who can pass drug tests.  Last week he said he had no Latinos on his staff because he couldn’t find a qualified Latino in the entire state.  These assertions demonstrate clearly that Pennsylvania has:  a) a lazy workforce problem; b) a drug-abusing workforce problem; c) an undereducated, unqualified Latino workforce problem; or d) a Governor Tom Corbett problem?
  7. At a recent meeting of McDonald’s shareholders, the company president defended the fast food empire’s marketing to children, saying of Ronald McDonald that “Ronald is not a bad guy.  He’s about fun.  He’s a clown.  I’d urge you all to let your kids have fun, too.”  The executive believes that McDonald’s aggressive marketing of young people is appropriate because:  a) a high-calorie, high-fat, high-sodium, high-sugar diet is good for children; b) McDonald’s profits are more important than the health of its customers; c) America is all about freedom of choice and anyone who would try to change that has to be some kind of communist; or d) until we figure out a way to put nicotine in our food, we’ll have to settle for lots of calories, lots of fat, lots of salt, and lots of sugar?
  8. The city council of the town of Nelson, Georgia recently passed a law requiring its residents to own a gun and ammunition to “provide for the emergency management of the city” and “provide for and protect the safety, security and general welfare of the city and its inhabitants.”  The council’s president defended the new law, stating that:  a) the constitution says we’re all required to bear arms, so I don’t understand all the fuss;  b) everyone knows that our god-given right to bear arms is right there in the bible; c) we’ve been having some border clashes lately with our neighbors in Jasper and want to be ready in case it gets serious; or d) when a man goes out drinking on a Friday or Saturday night he’s especially vulnerable to being mugged or robbed, but knowing that he’s armed should give everyone around him a feeling of safety?
  9. A study published in the journal Annals of Family Medicine reported that patients with osteoarthritis of the knee received more pain relief from an injection of what is essentially sugar water than they do from exercise, physical therapy, and other forms of treatment.  The most common reaction to this news has been:  a) outrage from doctors who perform knee surgery; b) outrage from pharmaceutical companies that sell pain-killers; c) disapproval from New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who’s upset because Americans already have too much sugar in their diets; or d) inquiries from patients who are wondering if they could get the same benefit if they just eat a lot of chocolate?
  10. Harvard history professor Niall Ferguson dismissed the work of noted economist John Maynard Keynes, suggesting that because Keynes was gay and had no children, he had less of an interest in the future than other people.  Such a statement suggests that:  a) people named Niall must all be stupid; b) because Ferguson was born in Scotland, people from Scotland must all be stupid; c) Ferguson was unduly influenced by his first wife, whose last name is “Ali” and who therefore must be virulently anti-American; or d) Harvard’s not hiring them as smart as it used to, is it?

September News Quiz

  1. The title of the new Clint Eastwood movie that premiered last week is:  a)  Every Which Way But Coherent; b) The Good, the Bad, and the Doddering; c) A Fistful of Gibberish; or d) The Chair Whisperer?
  2. Radio talk show host Glenn Beck has charged an American Airlines flight attendant with being rude to him because of his conservative political views.  The flight attendant stands accused of:  a) talking a lot to other passengers but not to Beck; b) failing to open Beck’s can of soda; c) making positive comments about “the very liberal cities in America”; or d) exceedingly good judgment?
  3. Earlier this month, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney told a private audience that “There are 47% of the people who will vote for the president no matter what.  All right, there are 47% who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it.  That that’s an entitlement … And they will vote for this president no matter what … These are people who pay no income tax … My job is not to worry about those people.  I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.”  Among these parasitic, dependent, self-entitled, wrong-minded, un-American people are:  a) you, your retired parents, or your retired grandparents, who paid into social security for forty or fifty years and now selfishly believe that paying into the federal pension system actually entitles them to some kind of pension; b) you, your retired parents, or your retired grandparents, who’ve paid Medicare taxes since 1966 to pay for health care for seniors based on the promise that when their time came, they would receive Medicare benefits and now are acting like pigs at the trough for asking for what was promised to them; c) past members of the military who now obnoxiously believe that just because they were injured in service to their country, their country should help pay for the care they need for those wounds; or d) those millions of pesky and selfish six-, seven-, eight-, and nine-year-olds whose parents have tricked them into believing they need to learn to read?
  4. The life story of Aretha Franklin is going to be made into a movie.  The leading candidate to play the singer is:  a) Jennifer Hudson; b) Queen Latifah; c) Gabourey “Gabby” Sidibe; or d) Tyler Perry, dressed in drag?
  5. Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown has objected to his opponent speaking publicly about his voting record in the Senate, stating that “I don’t need Professor Warren talking or speaking or commenting on my votes.”  Instead, Brown would like voters to decide whether to return him to office based on:  a) the platform of the Republican Party; b) his boyish good looks; c) his modeling career; or d) his 1982 Cosmopolitan magazine centerfold?
  6. Scientists have used human stem cells to restore the hearing of deaf gerbils.  This is good news for:  a) deaf humans, because it could be an all-important first step in learning how to use stem cells to restore their hearing; b) veterinarians who figure to reap a windfall when deaf gerbils start coming to them to get their hearing restored; c) deaf gerbils in pet stores whose fellow gerbils are trying to warn them not to look so cute because the customer eyeing them lasciviously has a practice called “gerbiling” in mind; or d) cute but deaf female gerbils who never realized that male gerbils were whistling at them?
  7. Deena Cortese, a member of the Jersey Shore cast, has been banned from a certain Seaside Heights, New Jersey restaurant for two years.  The ban was ordered by:  a) a criminal court judge, because Cortese was arrested there for disorderly conduct; b) the state’s alcohol enforcement office, because of Cortese’s extreme alcohol consumption at the restaurant; c) the owner of the restaurant, because having her there was bad for business; or d) the state board of health, because it was worried about what kind of social diseases the skanky reality television star might be spreading?
  8. Pennsylvania governor Tom Corbett decided against clemency for a man convicted of murdering the person who sexually molested him because:  a) if you commit the crime, you should do the time; b) a murder’s a murder; c) he doesn’t understand all the fuss about sexual molestation and how it might justify murder; or d) when you’re running for re-election, a proven track record as a state-sanctioned murderer is a great thing to have on your resume?
  9. The president of the Chick-fil-A restaurant chain has announced that his company will no longer make contributions to anti-same-sex marriage organizations.  He’s doing this because:  a) he’s had a change of heart and believes people should be able to do as they please; b) he recognizes that his area expertise is dropping chicken into hot oil, not social policy; c) there’s a whole lotta uncooked chicken piling up in his restaurants and it’s starting to smell bad; or d) his son sat down with him last week and began a conversation with “Um, dad, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but…”?
  10. In light of Mitt Romney’s weak poll numbers, Sarah Palin has urged the candidate and his running mate to “go rogue.”  She offered this unsolicited advice because:  a) she thinks it’s Romney’s only chance; b) she’s a seasoned political strategist who knows what she’s talking about when it comes to such things; c) she couldn’t tell him to “go mavericky” because she already used that expression; or d) it worked so well for her and John McCain four years ago?

June News Quiz

  1. Mohammed Mursi, candidate of the Muslim Brotherhood organization, recently was elected president of Egypt.  This means:  a) relations between Egypt and Israel will deteriorate; b) relations between Egypt and Israel will improve; c) relations between Egypt and the U.S. will deteriorate; or; d) relations between Egypt and the U.S. will improve because now both countries will have Muslim presidents?
  2. Carrefour, the French supermarket chain, has announced that it is abandoning its store in Greece.  This shows that:  a) the company wants to shift its resources to markets with greater profit potential; b) the economy in Greece is much worse than anyone realized; c) the company greatly overestimated the Greek appetite for croissants and stinky cheese; or d) when it comes to surrendering, the French are still number one?
  3. The 2012 Olympics that begin next month in London will:  a) be great; b) feature six different Kardashians as guest commentators  ­­– all of them in fact, except Bruce Jenner; c) include a new celebrity boxing competition; or d) they still have Olympics?
  4. President Obama’s announcement that he supports same-sex marriage was:  a) the right call at the right time; b) long overdue; c) a cynical ploy to get the gay vote, which until then seemed solid for Mitt Romney; or d) the next step before a very difficult conversation he plans to have with Michelle after the election?
  5. Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner I’ll Have Another was withdrawn from the Belmont Stakes and lost its opportunity to win horse racing’s triple crown because:  a) it suffered an injury that could have been fatal and the horse’s owner didn’t want to jeopardize its life; b) it suffered an injury that was probably minor, but the horse’s owner didn’t want to take a chance; c) it suffered an injury that probably was minor, but the horse’s owner didn’t want to take a chance that aggravating the injury could jeopardize the millions in stud fees he stands to gain from a horse that won the Derby and the Preakness; or d) the horse overheard its owner explain to a friend what it means to be put out to stud, demanded that his groomer spend extra time brushing his mane and cleaning his teeth, and refused to run again?
  6. When asked how JP Morgan Chase could possibly lose $2 billion over such a short period of time, company CEO Jamie Dimon told a congressional committee that:  a) in the greater scheme of things, a $2 billion loss is nothing to get excited about; b) the company now takes greater risks because its executives know that if they get in too deep, the federal government will bail them out; c) we’re high achievers here at JP Morgan Chase, so the sky’s the limit; or d) whoops?
  7. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has proposed that food establishments be prohibited from serving sugar-based soft drinks of more than sixteen ounces.  Bloomberg is proposing this because:  a) he thinks sugary drinks promote obesity; b) he’s run out of anything else worth doing in New York; c) he wanted to remind the rest of the country that he’s still around; or d) the 7-Eleven on his corner closed and if he can’t have easy access to a Big Gulp, no one else should, either?
  8. A new novel portrays Abraham Lincoln as a vampire hunter.  In the book, the only thing that can harm Lincoln is:  a) Buffy, the vampire slayer; b) Buffy St. Marie; c) Phoebe Buffay; or d) John Wilkes Booth, vampire hunter killer?
  9. Moody’s last week downgraded the credit ratings of fifteen major U.S. banks.  This means that:  a) those banks could fail; b) it will cost those banks more to borrow money; c) it will be more difficult to borrow money from those banks; or d) five years too late, Moody’s has finally noticed that there are problems in the U.S. banking industry?
  10. Published reports suggest that Ann Curry will be fired from her job as co-host of NBC’s Today show because the program’s ratings are down.  Such a drastic move is necessary because:  a) Today is one of NBC’s biggest moneymakers and any drop in ratings costs the company millions in ad revenue; b) viewers don’t like Ms. Curry; c) Ms. Curry isn’t very good at her job; or d) it’s never the male co-host’s fault?

March News Quiz

  1. Republicans are so eager to compel women to have transvaginal ultrasounds before they have abortions because:  a) they believe that if women see the life growing inside them, they will be less likely to go through with an abortion; b) they’ve received large political contributions from people who manufacture ultrasound equipment; c) it’s been a while since they’ve reminded women who’s boss; or d) they want to keep government out of people’s private lives?
  2. Greece is:  a) pretty much bankrupt; b) dragging down the entire European Union; c) in deep denial about its economy and the steps that will be needed to restore it to good health; or d) the word that you heard, it has groove, it has meaning.
  3. Once Newt Gingrich’s campaign is officially over, he will:  a) write a book; b) do two shows a night at the Sands for the next twenty years to repay casino owner Sheldon Adelson for the more than $10 million Adelson has contributed to Gingrich’s campaign; c) join Dennis Kucinich, Herman Cain, and Ron Paul in pitching a reality show to Fox called “Snowball’s Chance in Hell;” or d) never, ever stop talking?
  4. Venezuela president Hugo Chavez:  a) is a great leader who has brought important change to his country; b) is a socialist bully; c) is apparently dying; or d) has come a long way since he asked us to boycott lettuce?
  5. When your local public television station goes into one of its fundraising and pledge periods, its programming:  a) is heavy on concerts featuring performers who had hits in the 60s and 70s and who pretty much haven’t been seen or heard from since then; b) is sure to include multiple showings of the guy who goes off into the woods to live by himself with no modern conveniences except a movie camera; c) will include someone who lectures you ad nauseum about how to live your life; or d) be much, much better than the boring stuff it broadcasts when it’s not asking you for money?
  6.  The right to bear arms is conferred by:  a) the constitution; b) the bible; c) Charlton Heston; or d) the business end of this here Smith and Wesson?
  7.  Rihanna’s renewed interest in Chris Brown can be attributed to:  a) he’s great in bed; b) no one else is showing any interest in such a plain girl; c) she’s jealous that other women are interested in him; or d) a girl likes to get smacked around every now and then.
  8. Esa-Pekka Salonen is:  a) a Finnish defensemen for the New York Rangers; b) the girl with the dragon tattoo; c) a new flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream; or d) the conductor of the Los Angeles Philharmonic?
  9. The Encyclopedia Britannica announced recently that it will stop publishing its product in book form and only sell access to it through the internet because of:  a) declining sales because so much of the information in it was available elsewhere on the internet; b) it finally dawned on them that maybe people weren’t buying the books because a set costs as much as a small car; c) market research found that no one ever actually opens the books; they’re just used for decoration; or d) Wikipedia is now considered a more authoritative source of information?
  10. Capital punishment is:  a) a deterrent to crime; b) not a deterrent to crime; c) endorsed by the bible’s call for “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth;” or d) to be featured in a new Bravo TV reality show next season?